The Guide: Long Bus Rides

Okay. I don’t wanna toot my own horn or anything, but I think I’ve become a bit of an expert on long Asian bus rides. Longest to date is 24 hours. So I thought I’d write a survival guide—for dummies, if you will—that most people think about, but don’t usually follow through with (well, at least me):

1. get comfortable
• you don’t know how long you’re gonna be on this bus. 10 hours may turn into 15 with breakdowns,  traffic jams, bus driver naps, whatever. Bring lots of comforts and activities. Since my music was stolen, I make sure my Nook is charged, my sleeping pills, neck pillo, menthol inhaler, and Chapstick are in reaching distance
2. don’t drink too much
• I haven’t experimented with alcohol on these long journeys, but you’ll pee it right out, so I’d say don’t do it. stay hydrated throughout the day and then only take sips along the way when absolutely necessary. You’d be surprised how long you can go without water
• Back to the alcohol: if you get motion sick, you probably don’t want to do these hungover as some of them involve speeding down unpaved, twisty, mountain roads.
3. Think of the worst possible thing that could happen
• Think of it. think of what can prevent it. take those precautionary measures before and during the ride.
• Immodium, Dramamine, Tylenol, pepto bismol, and tums are all good examples of things you should have on you.
• Just don’t eat anything weird within 8 hours of getting on the bus. Or the rest stop food. You’re just asking for trouble.
4. Protect your valuables!
• I’ve heard so many horror stories of things getting stolen from people on buses, namely all of their savings for the trip that they so discreetly kept in an envelope. Don’t do that. Separate all of your valuables so that if one thing gets stolen, you have a backup plan. I keep only what cash I need in my wallet in my bag. My cards and the rest of my cash goes in my sports bra (sorry, this is pretty girl-centric advice, but boys, no one would know if you got a sports bra and stuffed it….with your valuables).
• For my larger valuables, I put them in my backpack, which is my cuddle buddy on these wonderful rides. I sometimes even lock my backpack and keep my hand on it so I know no one is being sneaky even if they manage to move my hand!
• I also utilize the blanket—literally a security blanket-- they give you to hide my bag. Even though the bag isn’t entirely discreet, I used to travel with a  Long Champ and didn’t want to advertise that I could afford a pricey bag.
5. Know that as a Westerner, you are going to end up at the back of the bus
• No matter what you do to get a better seat, especially on a sleeper bus, you will be ignored and/or denied. The only way to avoid this is to pretend that you get motion sickness by making barfing noises and then they won’t make you sit in the very back.
• Sleeper buses are a funny invention. They are great, but they try to cram as many people in as possible. So although the people at the front get great single seats, the people in the back get to cuddle with strangers, sleep on the floor, or get put in seats that are smaller than the already Asian-sized (tiny) seats.
• This also might be called Karma….making up for what our ancestors did is better late than never?
6. Don’t wear long, flowing things
• If you go to a rest stop, you’ll more than likely be using a squatter with a bucket to flush. The floor will be wet. 
7. Wear flip flops (Vietnam only)
• Though it can get quite chilly on the buses, if you’re on an overnight bus they insist that you take off your shoes. As hilarious as it is to see Vietnamese people freak out and act as if they need to amputate their leg if the sole of your sneaker touches them, do everyone a favor and wear flip flops for easy boarding and exiting of the bus.