My Children

I am finding myself in the second full week of teaching in a row. Most of you are probably thinking, “gee, isn’t that your job description? To work a full week?” But before last week, I hadn’t had a full week of school since before Christmas. Being accustomed to randomly cancelled class and days off, it’s been quite tiring not only coming up with lesson plans each week, but also chasing around young children and yelling over the older ones. But with the extra in-class time comes more time with my hilarious students and some great stories.  I thought I’d take this post to share some of my favorite student stories, from both these past couple of weeks and the entire semester. Because my children are THAT entertaining.

Ball

This photograph conveniently has many of my favorite students,
but for now we will just focus on Ball, who is sitting on the far
right not looking at the camera.
Photo credit: Matthias Connely

Ball has become one of my favorite students. He is this scrawny little bright-eyed boy that I get the pleasure of seeing 3 times a week. He always has the biggest smile on his face when he sees me and can be a real teacher’s pet, yelling at the whole class to nee up (be quiet) and then immediately flashing me the biggest smile after.

Last week I decided I had to do what I had been dreading: try to figure out how to tell my failing students that they owe me assignments. However, as soon as I opened my grade book, the best students were the first in the crowd to see if they were missing anything and to check out their grades. I was seated at a desk and chair made for 12 year olds, and the swarm around me made me question if it was night or day, and if the high-pitched shrieking was students or monkeys (though often, they are the same). I look in front of me and Ball has somehow wiggled his way to the front. “5, Teacha. Number 5” (All of my students have numbers that I refer to since I can’t read their Thai names, let alone pronounce them). I looked down at my grade book and said, “you’re good, Ball.” He gave me the biggest smile, nod of his head, and fought his way out of the crowd.

2 minutes later I look up. There’s Ball. “Teacha, Teacha, number 5.” “Ball, you’re fine.” He lingered for a moment until I shooed him away.

2 minutes later. “Teacha! Teacha! Number 5.” “Ball, YOU’RE FINE.” How this tiny little boy found his way to the front to ask me the same question 3 times after this still puzzles me. You go Ball.

Bell

Bell and Chom (Bell on the left, Chom on the right)

In the same class as Ball I have 2 Bells that are extremely hard workers and great students. One of them has really made an effort to not only interact with me in class, but outside as well. We have this silly little handshake where we go completely straight-faced, clap our hands, and then shake. It’s so weird, but I love that I am able to connect with this student that barely speaks English. She’s always the first one to clap for me when I show off the new Thai words I’ve learned or that I now know how to write my name in Thai. Her best friend is Chom, who I almost never see her without.

This week I decided it was useful to teach my 12 and 13 year olds how to express likes and dislikes, and even how to ask people if they liked something. All of my first lessons are an experiment, and this time it was with Bell’s class. I tried a new conversation game: write what you like on a piece of paper, give it to me, and when I redistribute the sheets of paper you have to find who likes that thing. I got a lot of ‘pizza,’ ‘games,’ and ‘girls.’ When I got over to the far side of the room where Bell sits, I noticed a lot of girls started writing their boyfriend’s names. I collected Bell’s sheet, which said “I like Ball.” She confirmed it was the aforementioned Ball, even though I’ve never even seen them make eye contact.

This is my 1/3 class (the one with Ball and Bell). They're
throwing up "I love you signs"

When I redistributed the slips of paper, everyone was confused when they got slips that said, “I like Ball” because, “Teacha, I don’t like Ball.”

Gay King

Thai people are extremely blunt. For a culture that wants to “save face,” the things they say TO your face are amazing. When I taught appearance, fat kids were pointed to when fat was being taught, fat lady boys are pointed out as “Miss Tiffany Chang” (Miss Tiffany is the lady boy beauty pageant; chang is elephant), and if they think you’re beautiful, you will never hear the end of it.

I was talking with one of my 16 year olds students who sits in the front of the class and speaks pretty good English. I asked him what his nickname was, and before he could even get a word out, a kid comes out of nowhere, points at him, and yells, “GAY KING!”

I’ve also had kids called out as Obama and Mr. Bean this week

Sanake

This student (also in 1/3) always comes up
with the most creative drawings

A couple of weeks ago, every student got a presentation on sexual education. After, I got a student reading a condom brochure out loud while I was teaching. My friend had a girl blow up a condom like a balloon and start volleying it around the class. My innocent students are suddenly not so innocent, and it’s caused an odd air of sexual innuendo within the classes.

Last Friday I decided to play Pictionary on the board with one of my worst classes. I had just taught them prepositions and they had to come up, draw whatever preposition I pointed to, and the rest of the class would guess.

Somehow, “next to” not only evoked love for one of my students, but a poorly-drawn penis as well. I kicked him out of the class for a few minutes and then let him back in. Once he realized that his punishment was not being able to participate in the next awesome game (because my English classes are THAT MUCH FUN), he tried to explain to me that he had drawn a “sanake” (Thai people have a really hard time making the ‘s’ sound without ‘sa.’ School becomes “sachool,” spicy becomes “sapicy”). For some reason you could still see the outline of the object in dispute outlined on the chalkboard. It was not a snake.

James Hunter

This is not James Hunter's, but it is a hunter
Santa from that class

My first day of classes I had all the students write their English nicknames on a sheet of paper and put it up like a name tag. In the M1/1 class, one particularly stuck out to me: James Hunter. Where did this adorable child get this extremely preppy name? A few weeks later when I asked his class to draw Santa Claus, it became clear that some of the boys in that class are obsessed with hunters (I got several hunter Santas) and that James put his normal nickname on his nametag followed by "Hunter," unknowingly creating an epic name for such a small child.

James’s class is only seconded by the Ball and Bell class. They are all really smart and cruise through material, so I end up playing tons of games with them and have a lot of fun with them. I let them run around and be ridiculous, but what separates them from the bad classes that I have a hard time finding the patience for is that they are nice to me and make an effort to participate and learn. 

These students are not only smart, they also comprise 90% of the kids on my adorable Thai children list. So I was extremely surprised and disappointed when I discovered that they are not exempt from the list of children that have lost their innocence in the aftermath of the sex-ed presentation. One week I played a trivia game with them. One of the questions was “what does Teacher Laura look like?” My favorite, sweetest, most innocent (seeming) student responded, “She is PRETTY, she has BIG EYES,” and then made an hourglass shape with his hands.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, James hunter decided to be especially rambunctious this past week. I asked the class what they liked and James shouted out “MILK.” I laughed and thought, “that’s random.” I then turned around to find James’s shirt halfway unbuttoned and him pulling it to the side, revealing his entire chest. It took me a couple of seconds to 1) Process what was happening and 2) To remember that milk is an innuendo for boobs.

Luck You

One day in class a kid was provoked by his friend to say “fuck you” to me. They all know what it means, and I’m going to get you in trouble if you’re stupid enough to make the only English word you say that one.

I took him down to the language office, hoping that someone who spoke English was there. Of course, it was just me and the 2 Chinese teachers who speak almost no English. I parked the kid down next to my desk and told him he was gonna have to wait until someone who spoke English came. 5 minutes later no one came in and the Chinese teachers were very confused. I looked at them and said, “He said fuck you.” They couldn’t help but laugh a little. One of them started yelling at him in Thai and the kid said, “no, no, ‘Luck you.’” Now I was laughing because this is an exact scene from one of my favorite HBO series, Summer Heights High, where the naughtiest kid in class says under his breath, “fuck you” and then defends it by saying, “no no! I said PUCK you.” The Chinese teachers continued to laugh and yell at him. Before I knew it, the kid was on his knees, holding out his hand, and getting hit by a small PVC pipe. The Chinese teacher then  handed me the pipe. As if the situation wasn’t already ridiculous enough, I could not believe I was sitting at my desk with a weapon meant for my student. I tried to explain to them that not only did I not WANT to hit him, but that a foreign teacher hitting a student was a huge legal no-no.

After the commotion of me declining to hit my student, the tiny Japanese teacher came in. She got filled in on the situation and began talking to the student in an angry tone (though Thai always sounds angry, this was clearly very serious) and he began to cry. Through his blubbers, he was forced to apologize to me.

The kid left, the Japanese teacher calmly went back to her seat, and still to this day I am not entirely sure what she said to him.

Europe in Thailand

Rice fields from the train

Rewind to a few weeks ago when I was still plagued with visitors and I made a day trip to Bang Pa-In with my friend Costanza. Bang Pa-In is the site for the old royal summer palace. It is only about 20 KM from Ayutthaya, but like traveling anywhere in Thailand, it took us a while to get there.

We have some friends that work at the school next to the palace so they were able to offer us advice on how to get there. It’s a 20 minute walk, ferry, train, and taxi ride away. For an afternoon excursion, it was doable. I can’t imagine the frustrations for a morning and evening commute!

Palace Grounds

Getting off the island wasn’t too bad. We walked the 20 minutes and found the ferry easily. The small, rickety ferry arrived a couple minutes after we got to the dock and we hopped on with the other Thais, and even one of my students. The ferry ride was a total of 1 minute, just taking us off the island (remember: Ayutthaya is a land-locked island) to the other side of the river. We somehow got our hands on a train schedule and even though we were warned that the train is usually delayed, we got there with 10 minutes to spare. We asked when the train would be arriving. The man we asked pointed to the arrivals board and informed us it was an hour and a half late.

Costanza putting on her shoes after checking out the royal raft

Costanza and I got a bite to eat nearby and finally got on the train, which ended up being more than an hour and a half late. It was what you’d expect a train in Thailand to be: fairly old, no AC, and all of the windows and doors open to get some good circulation going in what would otherwise be a stifling car. Knowing that we were the first stop, Costanza and I hopped off as soon as the train came to a stop. Realizing that no one else got off and that the name of the station we were at DID NOT match our final destination (thankfully the signs were not solely in Thai), we had to jump back on to the train which was already moving away. Everyone was staring at us, obviously, because not only are we farangs, but we were the stupid farangs.

This is the observatory. It looks like it is straight
out of Candy Land

The next stop was where we were actually supposed to get off, so we jumped off the train and found a tuk tuk outside of the station. We were able to find another tourist from South Korea and share the fairly small price to get from the station to the palace.

The palace is on a large grounds that consists of the outer and inner palace. To be completely honest, I was confused as to which was which, but I thoroughly enjoyed the entire experience. The palace grounds are comprised of a lake in the middle, gardens, and many different buildings with different architectural styles, many of which are European inspired. There’s even a bridge in the middle modeled after the Bridge of Angels in Rome.

As nice as it was to get a little bit of familiarity with the European architecture, my favorite building was the Chinese guesthouse, which was all red and gold inside. My favorite piece of art was a huge intricate carving out of camel bone. It was in the shape of a boat with many different scenes of animals and people. Unfortunately, we were not able to take pictures of it, but you have to believe me when I say that it was awesome. We spent a good 5 minutes staring at it in disbelief.

The Chinese guesthouse

The only other building we were able to go into was a French style building with incredibly opulent and European inspired tapestries and furniture. Most of the palace was constructed in the mid to late-19^th century, a time after the great kingdom of Siam had fallen, but Thai royalty was able to see the world. This Western influence is still seen in Thailand today. Thai style buildings are rare, largely because most of the country can only afford to live in wooden walled and tin-roofed shacks. The malls in Bangkok look as if they could be anywhere in the world, and even the Grand Palace is French Style with a Thai style roof. My students have a strong connection with Thailand in that they are extremely nationalistic and do not see the importance of learning English, though they coat the faces in baby powder to look whiter, sometimes using skin whitening products, and constantly compliment me on my “beautiful” pointy nose. Comments on my light skin and big eyes are generally included when I ask my students what I look like, even though I did not teach them that. It’s an interesting culture to be living in, and it was even more interesting to see some of the roots of the Western obsession in the 19^th century palace.

Our few hours in Bang Pa-In ended with a ride to the train station, which was unlike any other I had ever taken. We thought we would be able to find  a tuk tuk or motorbike taxi at a nearby 7-Eleven. There were none in sight, but there was a motorbike rickshaw option. Costanza and I hesitantly climbed into the unstable and braced ourself for the bumpy 5 minute ride--constantly worrying that our bench in the back would detach from the motorbike.

Thai Zumba

I could run around here...but I often don't

I've been having a hard time working out while in Ayutthaya. It's either too dark or hot to run by the time I've finished work (or I'm just too lazy), there's one gym that is open for 2 hours each evening that apparently has no women in it, and there is no yoga anywhere except Bangkok. I've settled with doing workouts in my room on a yoga matt, which has worked out fine except for the fact that I just can't get into a routine. I've gotten really good at convincing myself that yelling at students for about 4 hours a day is a workout in itself.
The only real workout option is an outdoor dance class that takes place in the middle of town, about a 15 minute walk from my guest house. My friends and I have always joked about doing it, but are either too tired at the end of the day or decide to eat at 6 when it takes place. Friday night when I was out with a couple of my co-workers, the Chinese teacher, who speaks almost no English, somehow convinced me to join her this week. I was reminded this morning when she looked over at me from her desk, which is right next to mine, and shouted (her preferred method of talking is yelling), "LAURA. AEROBICS." Of course I was obliged to go.
I showed up in the parking lot promptly at 6. The class hadn't started yet and I was greeted by a bunch of smiling Thai faces, because I was of course the only farang. The loud Thai electronic/pop music started a couple minutes later and all the women (and a couple men) got into position and we began to stretch it out and then dance. As if I don't already have a hard enough time keeping my rhythm dancing to American music, keeping up with the weird beats of the Thai music really threw me for a loop and I was a flailing cardio-machine mess.
My friend showed up about 5 minutes in and we shook our hips, waved our arms, and hopped around for an hour. A couple of the dance moves involved spinning, in which I was able to turn around and see the entire crowd: about 70 people showed up, including a couple of men (one of whom was one of the instructors), and a couple of Muslim women wearing their head scarves--not too bad, if you ask me.
The entire environment was very odd and had many things passing through that were very Thai. We were in a parking lot off of the main road, and just in front of the stage was a little road that is in pretty good use. We constantly had motorbikes coming through and even a couple of trucks and minibuses. Some children and stray dogs joined us momentarily, and I was even fortunate enough to smell some burning trash. And, of course, the loud and obnoxious Thai music.

This is also how I looked. Just imagine a bit more arm flailing

Koh Samed

 I have been so lucky to have a slew of visitors this past month: first my wonderful family and then my friend Costanza, who I have known since I was 3. Having visitors has not only been tiring, but it has also been extremely interesting on their take of the place that I have come to love and call home. I had prepared myself for the obvious things that would bother them: trash everywhere, traffic jams, air pollution, raw meat sitting out for hours, and sub-par safety standards. But it's the little day-to-day activities that I now find mundane and routine that caught me off guard. I know that Thailand is not for everyone, and both my friend and my family were extremely accepting, but it was interesting, and sometimes hard to hear what is wrong with a place that I love so much.

Because I am on a budget and my friend Costanza wanted to see a Thai island, I took her to the closest island the only way I knew how: a minibus. I think minibuses are the greatest inventions. They are cheap and go just about anywhere since so few people own cars. However, a major downside to minibuses is that you are crammed into the bus with only enough room for yourself. Anything extra sits on your lap. Though I warned Costanza about this, she was sure her small suitcase would fit onto her lap comfortably for the 1.5 hour bus ride down to Bangkok. Luckily, Thai people are fairly forgiving and helped her find a place in the front of the minibus for her suitcase. Though this was a minor inconvenience that was quickly remedied, it is one of the things I have become so accustomed to that any Western traveler would not expect.


After 2 minibuses, we arrived in the Rayong province of Thailand. We were quickly approached by people telling us they could get us to the island in a mere 10 minutes by speedboat. As nice as the speedboat was, we were dropped off on a random beach--in the middle of the water (Costanza's sneakers AND pants got soaked), and then made to pay our 200 baht to get on the island. We had to find a taxi to get to our hotel. We quickly found a pickup truck with seats in the bed of the truck and were taken over to our hotel on the dirt, pothole-ridden road. Our hotel was situated on some rocks right above the ocean and gave us a beautiful view of the mainland. Since it was only noon Costanza and I were able to explore the island a bit.

I was amazed by the vendors that walked up and down the
beaches all day. This man had fried squid on one end and
the tools and ingredients to make papaya salad on the other.
If someone wanted papaya salad, he would make it for them
right there.

The island is a national park. There is one area with paved roads that is lined with Western food restaurants, guest houses, and of course 7 Elevens. The main beach off of this street is lined with hotels and restaurants, some of which offer fire shows at night. Though the beach is crowded, the water is crystal clear and the sand white and fine. We spent a couple hours laying on the sand, basking in the water, and drinking a couple of beers while watching the sunset.

The next day we decided to spend the whole day in the sun and walk down the island along the coast. Koh Samed is great in this way because it is just beach after white sand beach, separated by some rocks.  It was completely manageable and we saw 5 of the beaches the island had to offer, all getting less crowded as we went down. We would walk down a couple of beaches, find one quiet enough, and park ourselves on the sand until we decided we wanted to move on. 

sunset from our hotel room

We ended our lazy day by going to the only beach on the west side of the island, which offered many nice hotels and one of the best sunsets I've seen in Thailand thus far. It is also a good snorkeling spot and we had to watch out for sea urchins and star fish as we waded out into the shallow waters. It was a gorgeous and relaxing day.

We had to leave the island around noon the next day to make it back to Ayutthaya. I prepared for massive traffic jams and hold ups, as when traveling in Thailand you always have to add at least an hour on to your ETA. We were pleasantly surprised when we got back to Ayutthaya only 5 hours after leaving Koh Samed, especially since it took us 6 hours to get there.

Me and Costanza at sunset

Overall, I would say that Koh Samed has some of the best beaches and water I've encountered in Thailand. I wish that I had been able to get down to the south and seen some more deserted beaches, as it is quite touristy since it is not too far away from Bangkok. It was a different type of vibe than some of the other islands I have stayed on, but would recommend it in a heartbeat for people who want an easy way to see a beautiful Thai island. 

There are four 7 Elevens on the island: 2 here and 2 across the
street from each other just up the road.

Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit ( AKA BANGKOK )

Bangkok: known as Krung Thep  ("City of Angels") to Thais; known as a place of mystery, wonder, sin, and danger to the rest of the world. I know this sounds pretty dramatic, but with its reputation and all that Bangkok has to offer, it's necessary.
I've been procrastinating about writing my Bangkok post because I go down there quite often, yet never do any of the touristy stuff. However, Bangkok is much more than a tourist trap, but it is so huge I feel that even after going down there at least 8 times, I still don't have a full grasp of it.

The city itself is home to about 8 million people, 12 million in Greater Bangkok. For a country of 66 million people, that's HUGE. It's known for having some of the most upscale nightlife in the world (Skybar is always listed as one of the best rooftop bars in the word), alongside some of the seediest and saddest prostitution rings and human trafficking in the world. It's incredible to be out in Bangkok and know that just down the street, something unimaginable (whether good or bad) is happening. 

Jess and I outside of Siam Paragon, one of the ritzy
shopping centers

van bar

My first night out in Bangkok I felt this way. All of the people in my program were new to Bangkok and none of us really knew where to go. After wandering around Sukhumvit Soi 11, one of the most popular streets for expats and tourists, we decided to wander the craziness of Sukhumvit and find something else. After half a block on Sukhumvit (one of the main, longest, and busiest streets in Bangkok), we turned down a different Soi (soi means alleyway, but cross streets in Thailand are named after the main road they come off of and then numbered) and went into the first club we found. We went upstairs and found a pool table that overlooked the lady boy singing. We scoped out the crowd and realized that we were the youngest foreigners in there, and me and my girl friends were the only white women. All of the men were at least 50 and all of the women were Thai. Though many western men end up dating and marrying Thai women, I think it is safe to say that many of the women in the bar were there to get picked up, and many of the men were looking for prostitutes. Though I have not found myself in a bar like this since (mainly because my friends and I have figured out where to go out), it is amazing that in Bangkok it is so easy to stumble upon this sort of place, and highlights what can happen so easily in the open and the horrors that underground Bangkok holds as well.

Victory Monument: where I get dropped off when I take the
minibus to Bangkok. Also the most insane traffic circle I've
ever seen.

That is not to say that all nights out in Bangkok remind you of the underbelly of the city. I have gone to a couple of great concerts, one of Bangkok's most famous clubs, the Bed Supper Club, a rooftop bar, drank and fraternized with people at a van bar ( a bar out of an old Volkswagen van parked on the side of the road), and sang with a Thai band at a small bar. Being in Bangkok is truly a humbling experience, especially since the bad and the good live so close. Lines of gay and straight, rich and poor, and good and bad are constantly blurred in Bangkok. And whether you're there in the day or the night, it's nearly impossible to ignore the fact that though the city can cater to the rich, it is really home to mostly poor.

Bangkok tuk tuk

Bangkok during the day is a strange place. There isn't really one downtown area. The high rises can be found all over the city, but are mainly around the sleek and modern BTS, more commonly known as the Skytrain.  The beautiful, clean, high-tech Skytrain takes you through valleys of new modern skyscrapers and over slums filled with tin-roofed shacks. One of the central parts of the city is Siam, which is home to many massive, upscale shopping malls. These are frequented by fashionable Thais and is often a place where my friends and I seek refuge for some western food and even an English movie.

Bangkok sunrise (sky train construction is the black structure
along the top)

Other parts of Bangkok, such as Chinatown, are more what you would expect from Bangkok: dirty; full of motorbikes and buses; narrow, winding side streets; vendors finding anywhere they can to set up shop. It's a place that is full of excitement but also poverty. On my first visit to Chinatown our only purpose was to explore Bangkok. We turned off the shockingly calm main road and stumbled upon a slew of storefronts (which undoubtedly doubled as homes) which were overflowing with metal scraps being welded and melted down. It's a scene like this, especially after walking in a mall full of designer shops and upscale movie theaters (yes, there are different classes of movie theaters in Thailand), that you realize the huge gap between the rich and poor and that most people in Bangkok do not experience the capital like the tourists and the rich.

My attempt of capturing the Chatachuk market...this does not
do justice to the amount of stalls or people that populate it

I have also made it to the Chatachuk Weekend Market, the largest weekend market in the world. There are around 5,000 stalls in the whole market and supposedly you can find ANYTHING, though somehow my friends and I walked in circles and saw the same stores over and over. We did see many odd stores such as a weird fountain stall, a western themed stall, fake sunglasses, numerous clothing shops, art stalls, and even a Spanish bar. We stopped here at the end of a day of wandering the city and were overwhelmed by how large it was, so about 2 hours was all we could handle...and 2 hours is not enough time to explore this enormous market.

Grand Palace Wat from across the street

A few weeks ago I went to Bangkok with my family and did the most touristy thing possible in Bangkok: The Grand Palace.  Before we were even able to buy our tickets, we were accosted by a tiny Thai man who spoke great English and offered to take us on a tour (for a small fee, of course). Turns out, he actually worked at the Palace and he chose to earn a few extra Baht and give private tours on his day off. He started us off in the temple section of the Royal Palace, also called Wat Phra Kaeo, which is an incredible collection of elaborately decorated buildings adorned with shiny tiles and even some gold from Italy. Architecture consists of classic Thai style and Khmer prangs, and even a full scale replica of Cambodia's Angkor Wat, which was under Thai rule at the time it was built. The crown jewel of the temple--and Thailand--is the Emerald Buddha that is housed in the largest of the buildings, logically called the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, and sits atop a high pedestal. The hoards of shoeless tourists all have to enter the crowded building past a sign that says "no pictures, don't point your feet at the Buddha." Because of this, I do not have a picture of Emerald Buddha and the gold outfit it was adorned with, which changes every season. 

The Grand Palace itself is a huge structure, and many of the buildings are not accessible to the public. Seeing a map of the entire grounds, we only saw about 1/5 of it. The main building that once housed kings is French-Style with a Thai roof. As weird as that sounds, it's very beautiful and aesthetically pleasing.

After our tour of the palace, I mentioned that I really needed to use the toilet before going on the canal tour. Not surprisingly, New Years Eve was an incredibly popular day to go to the Grand Palace and the line to the lady's room was massive. After waiting in line for about 5 minutes and not moving, our tour guide brought me into the men's room, where I was barely noticed, so much to the point that men were cutting in front of me to use the stalls. I got to spend an awkward 3 minutes waiting for a stall to open while behind me was a wall of urinals and men using them.

After I braved the men's bathroom, our guide whisked us through the streets of Bangkok outside of the palace which are both tourist and street vendor ridden. Like me, the guide is used to the hustle of Bangkok and the ubiquitos street vendors. My family had a hard time keeping up with our fast pace. For a newcomer, Thailand is an adventure for the senses and one wants to be able to not only see, but smell and hear all that is around at a leisurely pace. Unfortunately, Bangkok is about the least-leisurely place and we all had to scramble to the crowds, onto a dock, and into a rickety longtail boat that our guide attempted to dump us into (though the rough waters made it a more difficult climb) and waved us off as we pulled away from the dock.

feeding fish in the Klong (canal)

A longtail boat ride down the Chao Phraya sounds like it would be incredible: getting to see areas of Bangkok not often explored by tourists, seeing shacks and the glamorous skyscrapers along the river. We did see all of this, but the boat ride was more terrifying than exciting. Our boat was rickety, the floorboards unsteady, and a handle from the bow of the boat fell off. We got wet, we got tossed around, and our driver also brought us to a lady selling bread, which we were obliged to buy and feed to the fish (okay, it was actually really cool. The large catfish would pile on top of each other until one lucky bugger was able to get his huge, gaping mouth around a piece of bread).

The French/Thai Style Grand Palace

Although a part if me wishes I was placed in Bangkok, I am extremely glad to be in laid-back Ayutthaya. It is much more expensive to live in the city (the Skytrain really isn't that good of a deal, me and my friends will opt for a Taxi if there is 4 of us because it's about the same price) and can get extremely overwhelming at times (and I lived in NYC). My proximity to Bangkok is a good compromise. It sometimes only takes an hour to get to the center of the city (traffic permitting), and only costs $2 each way, so going down for one night or even a day is worth it. It goes without saying that Bangkok is unlike any other city in the world, and after experiencing the rush and multi-faceted city, I understand why it is so famous (or infamous) and why people have been so inclined to say, "One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster," and "one night in Bangkok can make any man humble." I love the city and always enjoy my time there. I have not been down as frequently as I was at the beginning of the semester because I am saving up for my upcoming 3 month vacation, but it is always tempting to go down because there is always something exciting and new to do there.

family photo

gas on the back of a motorbike: safety always first in Thailand!

As my friend Bob said after my encounter with this incredibly
confusing toilet: "Thailand, home to the best and worst toilets
in the word."

Monkeying Around

monkeys: Lopburi's pigeons

so this is what it feels like to be inside of a zoo

A couple of weeks ago I went to Lopburi, known for sunflower fields, monkeys, and ruins. I arranged for a minibus to take me and my family around for the day to downtown Lopburi, the sunflower fields, and a dam.
The minibus picked us up at my parent's hotel. Upon hopping into the van, we were not only greeted our minibus driver's entire family (2 adorable young boys and his wife), but also with a large TV that they found the perfect thing to put on: Gangnam Style, a parody of Gangnam Style, and various Lady Gaga music videos.
After about 45 minutes of listening to all the hits, we arrived in central Lopburi. I had warned my family that I had heard there were monkeys everywhere. My sister said, "monkeys in Lopburi are just like pigeons in the United States." I laughed this off and said of course not, we have pigeons in Thailand and that there wouldn't be THAT many monkeys.

 The first monkey spotting in Lopburi of course was monkeys on the phone lines. "SEE! They are like pigeons!" As funny as this was at the time, we found out that monkeys in Lopburi are not like pigeons; they actually want to play with you. After I got touched and chased down the street by a monkey, we thought we would be safer in the temple ruins. Oh so wrong. Upon buying our tickets, we noticed a woman standing with a slingshot at the entrance. She wasn't actually doing anything, so we proceeded to check out the temple despite the monkeys we saw running around the grounds. Rounding a corner we noticed dozens of monkeys seeking refuge in the shade and licking the walls and the buddha that we wanted to take a picture of. We tried to suck up our fear of being attacked by monkeys and posed for an adorable girls picture, only to be interrupted by a shrill scream from Marisa, who felt tiny little furry hands grab her around the waist. As we went to seek refuge inside of the temple, we saw the woman with the slingshot running over--too little too late, lady. As safe as we felt inside of the temple, which had a cast iron door on it and barred windows to keep the monkeys out, we also felt as if we were in a zoo, as the monkeys played on the bars and stared at us until we built up the courage to leave the temple and cross the busy street and run back into our minibus, which our Thai family was also waiting at eager to leave.


Our next stop was one of the famed Lopburi sunflower fields. I love sunflowers and really enjoyed frolicking through the fields. We were quite amused by one of the little boys that accompanied us on our trip, as he would not stop taking pictures of us. At one point we were standing on a platform overlooking the field, and invited him to join us. Instead of climbing up on the platform beside us, he began snapping pictures of us. As we were loading back onto the bus to go to our next destination, he revealed the crown jewel of his pictures: my dad's butt. We all had a good laugh and appreciated that no matter what the language, a dad's butt is funny and meant to be made fun of.


Our next stop was lunch. We pulled off to a crowded restaurant close to the sunflower field. It was a typical Thai style restaurant: open-air, long tables, and whole fish served and shared. We were thankful that our restaurant had an English menu with Thai translations. Unfortunately for us, none of the translations matched, no one in the restaurant spoke a word of English, and we ended up getting nothing that we ordered. It was a typical Thai experience: everyone in the restaurant freaking out about every little thing we said, even if it was in Thai, eating mystery foods, and having no idea what was going to come next. It was quite the exhausting, yet purely authentic, Thai experience for my family their first day in Thailand.

Our last stop was the dam, which was a Thai tourist attraction, and quite beautiful, but also incredibly boring. We walked around, exhausted from our chaotic and frustrating lunch, and admired the beautiful lake with the mountains in the back. After our brief stroll, we found our Thai family and made our way back to Ayutthaya.

me taking a picture of the little boy taking a picture of us.
this was pre-booty shot

I Never Want to Hear Jingle Bells Again: Thai Christmas

some of my wonderful English department co-workers

A Thai Christmas. No, this is not only me celebrating Christmas halfway across the world. It is classes being cancelled for half the day so that Thai children can "understand the culture around Christmas" (the head of my department's words). Thai Christmas was everything that Christmas is not: many competitions, singing Jingle Bells (NO other Christmas songs were explored), an hour straight of Gangnam Style, and slutty Santa outfits.

The day started out harmless. Some of my students wished me a Merry Christmas, I gave all of my classes the option of singing jingle bells at the beginning of class instead of playing a game. I even played Frosty the Snowman for one of my classes. The students were excited to get out of classes after lunch and my school even told me they were going to buy me lunch. How could Christmas with a bunch of people who have no idea what Christmas is except from Western consumerism go wrong?

plus of the day: I got a picture with 2 of my favorite
students, Tao and Om

At lunch time we were taken down to the courtyard and sat in chairs in front of a stage that had been elaborately decorated for the Christmas festivities. From what I understood, Alex, Matthias, and I were each going to judge one of three competitions: Jingle Bells singing, Christmas trivia, and the Santa and Santy dress-up/laughing. All of this sounded amazing and hilarious to me...mainly because I wanted to find out who this Santy character was. I was also really excited that the school was going into such an effort to celebrate a holiday that few people at the school celebrated...this celebration was mainly for Alex, Matthias and me. It was touching to think that the school was recognizing a holiday most people in it did not understand. This sentiment was short lived after I heard Jingle Bells for the 10th time. In the span of an hour. All accented in Thai, of course.

Me, Matthias and Alex in our Christmas attire

The Jingle Bells competition was ended with a beautiful rendition of "Silent Night" (accentless), which was absolutely ruined by someone screaming into the microphone in Thai. Then came the Christmas trivia, which consisted of questions I didn't even know the answer to and poor Matthias speaking unelievably slowly and repeating each question 6 times for an hour.

Then came the main event: the Santa and Santy contest. It seemed that the English teachers that actually celebrate the holiday were completely forgotten and the attention was focused on all that were participating in the competition (mainly because none of us were even asked to judge the competition). First came Santy--or shall we say Slutty Santa. For a culture that stares at people wearing tank tops in 100 degree weather and enforces teachers looking like pilgrims and students wearing uniforms that are extremely modest, you would think slutty costumes would be frowned upon. Oh Thailand, you proved us wrong again. One of my students was the first to step out in her tiny dress, impossibly high heels, and of course, Gangnam Style. Because what IS Christmas without Gangnam Style? NOTHING I TELL YOU, NOTHING. IT WAS PLAYING WHEN JESUS WAS BORN. Aside from my student, the procession also included store-bought, costumes, handmade costumes (out of plastic bags, what else), and a lady boy. The Santa competition was a bit less entertaining to say the least, mainly because we were sick of hearing Gangnam Style on repeat, of the Thai students pretending to be embarrassed to do the dance in front of their peers, and my lovely co-worker (really, she is the nicest lady), SCREAMING in Thai for an hour.

Lady Boy Santy

The day was exhausting, and I certainly came out of it with a great appreciation for my family who endured the whole extravaganza, and for what Christmas is really about: spending time with family and celebrating the birth of Jesus (I'm fairly certain most of my students don't know who Jesus is). I wish with all my heart that I could convey this to the Thais and attempt to explain the holiday spirit to them, but so much would get lost in translation and much offense would be had to the time and effort they put into practicing and preparing posters and stockings for the event. I will certainly never attempt to celebrate another person's holiday, especially without them telling me what it's all about.

tree, Rudolph, and Santa (and another Santa)

This post is fairly cynical, and I do sound like the Grinch talking about how terrible this holiday was because of how some Thai people ruined it, but I do have to admit this was an eye-opening experience, especially since Americans so easily stereotype people. It also helps me realize how consumerism does not only influence how people in America behave, but how people in other cultures view the people who feed into the traditions that consumerism brings along with it.. Not that I'm going to stop listening to Christmas carols, buying a tree, or shopping for my family over the holidays, but I now know what our obsession with Hallmark looks like from an outsider's perspective.