Ball
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| This photograph conveniently has many of my favorite students, but for now we will just focus on Ball, who is sitting on the far right not looking at the camera. Photo credit: Matthias Connely |
Last week I decided I had to do what I had been dreading:
try to figure out how to tell my failing students that they owe me assignments.
However, as soon as I opened my grade book, the best students were the first in
the crowd to see if they were missing anything and to check out their grades. I
was seated at a desk and chair made for 12 year olds, and the swarm around me
made me question if it was night or day, and if the high-pitched shrieking was
students or monkeys (though often, they are the same). I look in front of me
and Ball has somehow wiggled his way to the front. “5, Teacha. Number 5” (All
of my students have numbers that I refer to since I can’t read their Thai
names, let alone pronounce them). I looked down at my grade book and said, “you’re
good, Ball.” He gave me the biggest smile, nod of his head, and fought his way
out of the crowd.
2 minutes later I look up. There’s Ball. “Teacha, Teacha,
number 5.” “Ball, you’re fine.” He lingered for a moment until I shooed him
away.
2 minutes later. “Teacha! Teacha! Number 5.” “Ball, YOU’RE
FINE.” How this tiny little boy found his way to the front to ask me the same
question 3 times after this still puzzles me. You go Ball.
Bell
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| Bell and Chom (Bell on the left, Chom on the right) |
This week I decided it was useful to teach my 12 and 13 year
olds how to express likes and dislikes, and even how to ask people if they
liked something. All of my first lessons are an experiment, and this time it
was with Bell’s class. I tried a new conversation game: write what you like on
a piece of paper, give it to me, and when I redistribute the sheets of paper
you have to find who likes that thing. I got a lot of ‘pizza,’ ‘games,’ and
‘girls.’ When I got over to the far side of the room where Bell sits, I noticed
a lot of girls started writing their boyfriend’s names. I collected Bell’s
sheet, which said “I like Ball.” She confirmed it was the aforementioned Ball,
even though I’ve never even seen them make eye contact.
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| This is my 1/3 class (the one with Ball and Bell). They're throwing up "I love you signs" |
Gay King
Thai people are extremely blunt. For a culture that wants to
“save face,” the things they say TO your face are amazing. When I taught appearance,
fat kids were pointed to when fat was being taught, fat lady boys are pointed
out as “Miss Tiffany Chang” (Miss Tiffany is the lady boy beauty pageant; chang
is elephant), and if they think you’re beautiful, you will never hear the end
of it.
I was talking with one of my 16 year olds students who sits
in the front of the class and speaks pretty good English. I asked him what his
nickname was, and before he could even get a word out, a kid comes out of
nowhere, points at him, and yells, “GAY KING!”
I’ve also had kids called out as Obama and Mr. Bean this
week
Sanake
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| This student (also in 1/3) always comes up with the most creative drawings |
Last Friday I decided to play Pictionary on the board with
one of my worst classes. I had just taught them prepositions and they had to
come up, draw whatever preposition I pointed to, and the rest of the class
would guess.
Somehow, “next to” not only evoked love for one of my
students, but a poorly-drawn penis as well. I kicked him out of the class for a
few minutes and then let him back in. Once he realized that his punishment was
not being able to participate in the next awesome game (because my English
classes are THAT MUCH FUN), he tried to explain to me that he had drawn a “sanake”
(Thai people have a really hard time making the ‘s’ sound without ‘sa.’ School
becomes “sachool,” spicy becomes “sapicy”). For some reason you could still see
the outline of the object in dispute outlined on the chalkboard. It was not a
snake.
James Hunter
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| This is not James Hunter's, but it is a hunter Santa from that class |
James’s class is only seconded by the Ball and Bell class.
They are all really smart and cruise through material, so I end up playing tons
of games with them and have a lot of fun with them. I let them run around and
be ridiculous, but what separates them from the bad classes that I have a hard
time finding the patience for is that they are nice to me and make an effort to
participate and learn.
These students are not only smart, they also comprise 90% of the kids on my adorable Thai children list. So I was extremely surprised and
disappointed when I discovered that they are not exempt from the list of
children that have lost their innocence in the aftermath of the sex-ed
presentation. One week I played a trivia game with them. One of the
questions was “what does Teacher Laura look like?” My favorite, sweetest, most
innocent (seeming) student responded, “She is PRETTY, she has BIG EYES,” and
then made an hourglass shape with his hands.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, James hunter decided to be
especially rambunctious this past week. I asked the class what they liked and
James shouted out “MILK.” I laughed and thought, “that’s random.” I then turned
around to find James’s shirt halfway unbuttoned and him pulling it to the side,
revealing his entire chest. It took me a couple of seconds to 1) Process what was
happening and 2) To remember that milk is an innuendo for boobs.
Luck You
One day in class a kid was provoked by his friend to say
“fuck you” to me. They all know what it means, and I’m going to get you in
trouble if you’re stupid enough to make the only English word you say that one.
I took him down to the language office, hoping that someone
who spoke English was there. Of course, it was just me and the 2 Chinese
teachers who speak almost no English. I parked the kid down next to my desk and
told him he was gonna have to wait until someone who spoke English came. 5
minutes later no one came in and the Chinese teachers were very confused. I
looked at them and said, “He said fuck you.” They couldn’t help but laugh a
little. One of them started yelling at him in Thai and the kid said, “no, no, ‘Luck
you.’” Now I was laughing because this is an exact scene from one of my
favorite HBO series, Summer Heights High, where
the naughtiest kid in class says under his breath, “fuck you” and then defends
it by saying, “no no! I said PUCK you.” The Chinese teachers continued to laugh
and yell at him. Before I knew it, the kid was on his knees, holding out his
hand, and getting hit by a small PVC pipe. The Chinese teacher then handed me the pipe. As if the situation wasn’t already ridiculous enough,
I could not believe I was sitting at my desk with a weapon meant for my
student. I tried to explain to them that not only did I not WANT to hit him,
but that a foreign teacher hitting a student was a huge legal no-no.
After the commotion of me declining to hit my student, the
tiny Japanese teacher came in. She got filled in on the situation and began
talking to the student in an angry tone (though Thai always sounds angry, this
was clearly very serious) and he began to cry. Through his blubbers, he was
forced to apologize to me.
The kid left, the Japanese teacher calmly went back to her
seat, and still to this day I am not entirely sure what she said to him.
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